Jukebox Review
The beginning of our search for the San Francisco bar with the best musical taste.
By Harry LaCuesta

A bar's merits can be judged by many factors: swill vs. microbrew; hipster vs. grizzled alcoholics, swanky couches vs. dilapidated stools, perfume vs. b.o. But as any seasoned barfly can tell you, the soundtrack to your evening's debauchery can make or break the night. With this in mind, we trolled the Mission's never-ending parade of nightspots for the neighborhood's finest jukeboxes.

500 CLUB
500 Guerrero St. (at 17th St.); (415) 861-2500
At A Glance: Beer commercial soundtrack music
A rockabilly bar known for its free popcorn, attractive staff and ample draft selection, patrons cram into the padded round booths that line one wall. But the real star here is the massive jukebox, which holds just about anything one could desire to hear while swilling PBR. Choices include Social Distortion, the Stones, the Clash, Stray Cats and Big Rig Hits, Vol. 1.

CASANOVA LOUNGE
527 Valencia St. (between 16th and 17th); (415) 863-9328
At A Glance: Classsics… and not so classics
Red lighting, a curvy bar and comfy velvet couches are the Casanova's hallmarks. The jukebox features some solid drinking favorites, like the Pogues, the Churchills, Duke Ellington and Betty Davis, but also holds a few downright bizarre options included more for the camp factor than the chance that anyone's actually going to play them. "American Yodeling" would be a good example. Not to insult anyone who listens to yodeling music, but if you do, there's something very wrong with you.

DALVA
3121 16th St. (between Valencia and Guerrero); (415) 252-7740
At A Glance: Did you bring your ecstasy?
Despite the frequent presence of DJs, Dalva's jukebox is appreciated for its eclectic focus on ambient and electronica. A dark, cozy lounge that treads the boundary between neighborhood bar and hipster haven, the hushed lighting, candles and cozy back room create an ideal environment for an after-work drink. Jukebox highlights include Thievery Corporation, Bombay Jazz Palace, Llorca and Swayzak.

DOCTOR BOMBAY'S
3192 16th St. (between Valencia and Guerrero); (415) 431-5255
At A Glance: All sexy, all the time
A friendly dive that's made a half-hearted attempt to be a tiki bar sans the umbrella-laden drinks, the Polynesian décor seems out of place next to the always-in-use single pool table and tattooed clientele. A small "patio" (really a concrete slab strung with Christmas lights) is out back for patrons craving a nicotine fix. The jukebox, however, makes up for what the bar lacks in character with variety, featuring Barry White, Moby, the Pixies, Snoop Dog, De La Soul, PJ Harvey and Marvin Gaye, among others.

LA RONDALLA
901 Valencia St. (at 20th); (415) 647-7474
At A Glance: Ranchera, amigos! Bueno?
La Rondalla lives a dual life as a restaurant and bar. Do yourself a favor: Skip the sub-par Mexican standards and head straight over to the narrow lounge, which has a perpetually festive air thanks to the kitschy tinsel and "Happy New Year's" signs covering the walls. Be warned: La Rondalla is known for its cheap, fuck-you-up-good margaritas - many an innocent frothy drink seeker (read: me) has stumbled out too drunk to see after just one pitcher. The jukebox is filled with Latino hits, although if you're lucky, the Mission's finest mariachi band (complete with matching outfits - ooh!) will provide the entertainment.

LEXINGTON CLUB
3464 19th St. (at Lexington); (415) 863-2052
At A Glance: Potpourri
The Mission's best women's bar is usually overflowing on the weekends. The Lex has the coolest logo (available on tank tops or sweatshirts) and painted toilet seats on the walls. Along with making a killer Cosmo, the corner jukebox sees heavy traffic, with a crowd clustered around choosing tunes from artists like The Cars and Jay-Z. Once you put in your money, expect a wait to hear your picks.

KILOWATT
3160 16th St. (between Valencia and Guerrero); (415) 861-2595
At A Glance: Smooth... then rough - just the way you like it
A punk rock bar with a hipster soul, this cavernous space packs them in on the weekends, and it's not uncommon for Kilowatt to host a barbecue or two on the weekends, despite the lack of a patio or any outdoor seating. The jukebox leans toward the punk but holds enough of variety to appeal to just about any drinking soul. You'll find Dr. Octagon (Kool Keith) next to Slayer, along with Patsy Cline, Wu Tang, the Buzzcocks, Van Halen, Metallica, Black Sabbath, the Roots, Pat Benatar, the Cramps and the drinking man's perennial favorite, Tom Waits.

THIEVES TAVERN
3349 20th St. (at Shotwell); (415) 401-8669
At A Glance: A smoker's delight
A smoky, dingy dive with nary a sign to announce its presence, this sweet little pub is a local's secret. And because it's "owner operated," Thieves scored an exemption to California's harsh no smoking rule, making the atmosphere a bit hazy at times. The schizophrenic jukebox is easily one of the best in the Mission for its sheer diversity, featuring everything from classic soul to hip-hop to punk to alt-country. Highlights include Bruce Springsteen's Nebraska, Guns n' Roses' Appetite for Destruction, Black Sheep's A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing and the Pixies' Surfer Rosa.

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