Ever since I picked up a ukelele and a chopstick and pretended to be playing the violin at the tender age of yesterday, I knew that God (or more likely one of his secretaries) carved out a little spot in this brutal industry just for me. And it’s the creative milestones I set for myself that keep me going for the gold, if you will. In writing, my general goal is to not suck as badly as Rolling Stone and Blender, but in music, my goal was always to be as good of a guitar player as ex-Megadeth axeman Marty Friedman. Granted, that will probably happen as soon as my level of sexiness escalates to equal that of an aardvark (hey, come on, baby steps), but it’s the dream that plants the first seed and eventually turns otherwise apathetic, unmotivated youngsters into horny beasts like Gene Simmons or washed up drunkards like Vince Neil.

Marty’s been one of my guitar heroes since I was 11 years old, and it was an honor to bombard him with all the important questions that have filled my mind for over ten years: What’s the difference between American and Japanese groupies? Who rocks the house in Greece? And what kind of dumb things entangle his stream of consciousness that one might refer to as “life”? Go ahead and check out the interview – it’s one of the more entertaining Marty interviews you’ll ever read. I swear.

And if you lower your head just a few pixels down on the home page, you’ll quickly say to yourself, “Wow, that girl is so second-to-Neko-Case hot!” And according to Playboy.com’s “Women of Indie Rock” poll, you couldn’t be more right. The couple you see is stoner metal duo Jucifer, who will be coming through San Francisco soon, and I was lucky enough to interview member Amber Valentine. If you haven’t heard Jucifer, just imagine the Melvins, only with King Buzzo wearing a tight dress that leaves nothing to the imagination. I’ll let that one simmer since it sounds so fucking HOT.

So? Don’t just sit there and look at this web site. Oh! Wait – yeah, sit there and look at this web site.

I want your skulls, I need your skulls,
Erik Fong

Now playing: Nirvana - "Scentless Apprentice"