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Dear Editor:
I quite enjoyed yr "Six Degrees of Harry Chapin" story -- as a peroozer [sic] of allmusic.com myself, I 2 have become quite adept at bustling thru their hedgerow, so 2 speak, and once I even got from David Crosby 2 Melissa Etheridge in something like 2 moves - quicker than the doc at the sperm donor clinic!
N-e-way, I propose that Perfect Pitch Online start a sort of league, for those of us who eschew meathead booshwa like "fantasy football." Some kind of real-time allmusic.com game, moderated by u sexy chaps, with prizes for the winners. I guarantee I'm gonna house all comers!
Thankxxx,
Stardog Champion
Stardog (if that IS your real name),
1991 called, they want their numbers-used-as-words back. And we're far too "booshwa" to bother with the logistical nightmare of a live, real-time allmusic.com game. I suggest you direct your energies into shaving a few precious seconds off your personal best Minesweeper score.
Ed:
When you dis Liz Phair, you dis yourself. Who are you to say what La Liz should be doing with her career and her art? If fanboy cocksuckers like you had your way, she'd be forced to regurgitate Exile In Guyville until she was 60. That record was a rebellion against indie-rock geeks... like you, apparently! Liz is smart, sassy, and if she wants to be a pop diva, you'd better go hide in the comic book shop and get out of her way, poindexter!
XXXOOO,
Meghan
Meghan,
This may be the first time in my life I've been called an "indie-rock geek." Does this mean I get to enter into disastrous, ill-advised relationships with damaged, blog-writing, tattooed girls in too-tight Mogwai t-shirts and Janeane Garofalo glasses... like you, apparently? See you this weekend... we'll go Dutch. I don't want any trouble.
ATTN:
I AM MRS. MARIAM SESE-SEKO WIDOW OF LATE PRESIDENT MOBUTU SESE-SEKO OF ZAIRE? NOW KNOWN AS DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF CONGO (DRC). I AM MOVED TO WRITE YOU THIS LETTER, THIS WAS IN CONFIDENCE CONSIDERING MY PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCE AND SITUATION. I HAVE DEPOSITED THE SUM OF EIGHTEEN MLLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS (US$18,000,000,00.) WITH A SECURITY COMPANY , FOR SAFEKEEPING. WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO IS TO INDICATE YOUR INTEREST THAT YOU WILL ASSIST US BY RECEIVING THE MONEY ON OUR BEHALF IN EUROPE.
I WANT YOU TO ASSIST IN INVESTING THIS MONEY, BUT I WILL NOT WANT MY IDENTITY REVEALED. MAY I AT THIS POINT EMPHASIS THE HIGH LEVEL OF CONFIDENTIALITY, WHICH THIS BUSINESS DEMANDS, AND HOPE YOU WILL NOT BETRAY THE TRUST AND CONFIDENCE, WHICH I REPOSE IN YOU.
I SINCERELY WILL APPRECAITE YOUR ACKNOWLEDGMENT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
REGARDS,
MRS M. SESE SEKO.
Mariam (may I call you Mariam?):
Trust is an essential part of any relationship. And I'm thrilled you trust me so much already! But, as much as it pains me to say this... I don't know if I'm ready for a woman to put this much faith in me. I just got out of a bad relationship with those "increase your ejaculate 371%" people, and frankly, well, I'm just a little wounded and vulnerable right now. It's not you -- please believe this, my dear -- it's me. I "apprecaite" the confidence you repose in me, Mims, but I don't want to be the man who wrecks your corrupt, money-laundering, peasant-slaughtering, customs-official-blackmailing little world. It's better this way -- someday you'll meet the Clyde to your Bonnie. Think fondly of me, my love -- we'll always have Hotmail.
Perfect Pitch Online · P.O. Box 460006 · San Francisco, CA 94146
E-mail: editor@perfectpitchonline.com
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